Finding the ONE

ProfilePicA good help-mate will lift you up when your down, offer to carry you when you can’t walk, tell you they are “on the way” when you call.  Ladies, that SPECIAL guy will say you are beautiful when the stage lights turn off, the costume is removed and the people go away. Gentlemen a good woman will make you feel like THE MAN! She will encourage you when you feel like you’ve got your back against the wall and inspire you to be the very best you can be… As I date and get to know new people these are qualities that I find irresistible.

If you are single or consistently in bad relationships maybe it’s time to reassess your values and start looking at the world and people in it with fresh eyes. When you peel back the physical attributes, surface level insecurities and misplaced validation what is left? It is often said that charity begins at home so why not begin to peel back your own layers first. What do you look like when your strengths and weaknesses are bathing in the sunlight? Are you proud of what you see and who you are? Do you feel a little ashamed or a combination of both? What do you plan to do with the information you have found out about yourself?

While looking for “the one” we tend to attract ourselves. It’s natural so don’t feel bad, everyone seeks a certain measure of validation. Our egos are constantly crying out for recognition, to be known, to exist. The crazy part is that no matter how much of this external attention comes our way; we still fail to feel fulfilled. I believe that our thirst is never quenched because we have not attempted to drink from our own spring of self-worth and value.

In short, here are 5 things that you can do in order to recognize and 2e6b55220cc3c816a5ce369ba6c6583eattract the perfect mate for you…

  1. Get to know YOU before trying to get to know someone else. Seriously, you would be surprised by how many people do not know who they are in a very literal sense. It’s easy to find yourself this way when you live on autopilot or in reactionary mode. Getting to know yourself requires to you analyze the decisions that you have made while reacting. It also requires that you proactively address things that you don’t like about yourself and constantly work towards self-improvement.
  2. Assess your values, what is important to you and why? Find someone who shares your values. This area comes without judgment of whether or not I, or anyone else for that matter, will think the same things are important. The point of this exercise is to be steadfast in what YOU think is important, what traits or characteristics are the most valuable.  Guess what? These should be a lot of the same traits that you actually have or traits that you are actively working on!
  3. Be patient, take your time, you have a lot to learn about yourself. What you learn will help you to see others differently, and clearly. Despite our ego’s knack for focusing on what makes us all very different; it’s paramount to consider how much we are the same. When you start to see yourself in others it becomes easier to appreciate their differences.
  4. Make sure you have your basic necessities covered and your baggage checked at the door. If you are not in a position to be able to take care of yourself and your own responsibilities try getting things in order before adding someone else to the equation.
  5. Feeling angry, hurt, confused, conflicted or bitter? Hold off on starting or looking for a new relationship. Those feelings are so violent that people can sense the intent. For those of you who are not familiar with the fact that our bodies radiate energy based on what we think and feel check out this video:

The energy we surround ourselves with has the ability to both draw and repel people.  If you want to attract the best fit for you work on cleaning up your energy and resolving your feelings.

Stuck in a rut? Keep falling for the same toxic people? Are you co-dependent? Do you feel extremely lonely when you are single? A very special friend of mine told me once “If you have time to be worried about some one who doesn’t want you, sad, lonely or depressed you are not doing enough for yourself.” That woke me up! I realized that at the end of the day I’m responsible for my own happiness. I also learned that people could only do to you what you allow them to do. You don’t have to put up with BS from anybody! Your power is in accepting and rejecting.  Don’t be afraid to accept love and reject drama, it’s your choice.

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